I can certainly
relate to the frustration which often results from trying to help a friend
overcome depression. What are your own
experiences? What do you think about
the advice given here for dealing with this difficult situation? Do we have a duty to help people in this situation
even if there is a cost to our own happiness?
Wednesday, February 28, 2024
Since I’m depressed, how about if I actively work to make my/our situation worse?
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I do not think that I have ever seen a close one experience depression but I have most likely seen my friends go through dysthymia, a period of having low mood. At first I tried my best to communicate with them and help them see the world in a more positive light but unfortunately that did not do much. As the article mentions, it is crucial to listen to the person carefully and let them know that you acknowledge their struggles. Usually there is no need to provide them with all sorts of advice and it is better to thank them for trusting you enough to talk about their feelings. The author writes about how exercise and socialization can help, yet fails to add that you can possibly increase the positive effects of these activities by offering the struggling friend or spouse to do it together with you. The article gives great advice on how to help a depressed person, but in my opinion there is not enough information on how to not get depressed when helping others. While I do understand that in order to help a depressed spouse you need to sacrifice a lot, I also think one should take care of themself, ensuring that they also have somebody to talk to, perhaps even getting a therapist themself. For example, I often had to take a break from helping my struggling friend which gave me enough energy to try and help more effectively next time while also preserving my mental health. The activity I found most helpful was planning the whole hangout for them and then just picking them up. At first they might resent the idea of going out but seeing that they do not have to put effort other than just showing up may convince them. In addition to socialization, from my perspective it is more safe to invite the depressed only into a close circle of friends or just the two of you because bigger groups of people can distress them.
ReplyDelete- mária
I have heard people use the term "depressed" when they tend to feel sad and unmotivated. I find that by doing so, this term is slowly losing its meaning and its importance. By making it a common term that does not do just to the true meaning of the illness, we do not see the importance of understanding it and thus many of us do not have the topic properly researched and many tend to make themselves experts in the matter. I, personally, have multiple family members who have depression or have experienced it at some point in their life and it is very different from using the word to describe feeling blue on a random day which I have encountered many times. Since I am still considered a child in my family, I have not been told as much about these issues, which I think is a great mistake. I understand that my family is trying to protect me by not telling me "unpleasant" information and that they are also trying to protect the person experiencing it, however, this way I will not learn how to act when facing such issues in my life or in the life of the people close to me.
ReplyDeleteI only came into contact with one family member with depression, who was very close to me, and they did not talk about their issues with their family nor friends (the first year and a half). I will not describes the details of the way this person felt as I do not want to use my words to describe their feelings, which brings me to the point of how I felt. When it comes to helping or encountering people with depression, it is of course, important to learn about how they are feeling, but I feel that the topic of how the person on the other side (people trying to help) may feel. The article highlights this a little, mentioning how we cannot take the actions of people who are depressed too personally, but we need to draw a line. I think that another important thing is to realise that we are not bad if we are clueless in how to help the person and mainly that it is not our responsibility to "cure" them. I think that it is easy to have feelings of failure and self-doubt when not being able to help a close one with depression. However, it is important to come to terms with the fact that sometimes, there is nothing more you can do. This does not necessarily mean that giving up is the option, but removing oneself from the reasoning behind the process of getting better is important. After all, we ourselves are not the ones experiencing the same things as the people we are trying to help and we cannot read their minds. Just as the article mentioned, sometimes support is all that we can provide, which does not make it wrong and it does not make us bad people.
Overall, I think that it is very important to educate oneself about depression as it is a mental illness that we will most likely come into contact with one day (either ourselves or through our close ones). Mainly, I think that it is something that should be talked about and not left a secret that someone should be ashamed of. Lastly, if in the position of trying to help someone who has depression, it is important to not put all of the weight onto our shoulders, because that way we are no help.
- Nina