Are you a hoarder or a neat-freak? What are the advantages and disadvantages of
each personality type? How often do
people’s personalities and values reflect those of their parents and how often
are personality traits the result of reacting against parents?
Be sure to read all four “pages.” (They’re short…)
The article resembles me of my family. Having piles of things not used but just for case gives people a sense of security. I think that my mother’s habit of creating chaos all around her is somehow comforting her. It could possibly be determined by her experience from childhood since her grandmother was a true neat-freak. But on the other hand, she didn’t grow up in poverty. Thus I can’t figure out where she came to storing big amounts of clothes. She truly isn’t the kind of woman who needs to change her closet every season.
ReplyDeleteA counter example is my best friend’s mother. Every now and then her mother throws out bags full of toys and clothes, which are in a good state. Probably it helps to clear her mind and free herself from worries, just as Wendy Fontaine gives her reason for being obsessed with tidiness. Nevertheless, neither my mother nor I could do that. Maybe we are a little more sensitive to materialistic possessions. And maybe it is to compensate lack of the emotional ones. I remember how, as a child, I was sorry for every thing we threw out. I even cried over a toy I once cut to pieces. But that might be another story about the relationship towards my toys.
I’ve long been aware of the effect of such weird behaviour of parents on child’s mental development. However, I don’t perceive myself as a neat-freak. I believe I am more tidiness-loving person than my mother is, but I see I am not much different in collecting seemingly worthless stuff. Those are things I keep just for I like them, other than my mineral collection. At least I have an argument for my need to do so. I even read once about an artist collecting all sort of garbage, as extreme as a broken plate, in belief it would bring him inspiration one day. So can I conclude that I am a creative soul, an artist who just lacks the time to materialise his ideas.
Although my house certainly might seem to be overloaded with objects that serve no purpose: decorative vases that only hold a flower a few times a year, small artistic statues received as a gift or brought from one of my dad’s business trips, the whole Britannica series which no member of the family has fully read, and especially the piles and piles of printed documents that my father keeps stacked almost everywhere (until my mom loses it and throws them out), I would not say that we are suffocating under mounds of these things. Every, even seemingly useless, object seems to have a place in the household because my parents, and similarly both my siblings and I, have never bought or buy things that we don’t truly want or need.
ReplyDeleteNow that I look back, this philosophy has partly been evident in my life even from when I wasn’t able to fully appreciate the value of money. In the US we would go to neighborhood yard sales and I would drift away from the rest of my family, pulling out some quarters and nickels that I had saved when my parents gave them to me. After carefully looking at everything they had to offer, I would choose a single object that I felt that I liked and needed the most, some bracelet or book, and leave feeling satisfied with the convenient bargain I had made. Since I grew up in an environment where saving and not throwing away things was considered completely normal, I fell right in step as well. That is why I find it interesting to see that children can rebel in such a way, just so that their actions and habits are in contrast with their parents’. I would think that if you are surrounded with people that do something a certain way, you would not think it unusual and thus do it the same as well. I “inherited” this from my parents (as they did from theirs), even though we were not in an economic situation which forced us to act this way.
Since I admire and respect most of the attributes of my parents, I cannot really think of some character traits, off the top of my head, which are results of me reacting against them. These two people have always served as role models in my life and so even though I realize some of their faults, I tend to overlook them in everyday life. My siblings on the other hand (despite me considering them to be just as amazing now that I am older) used to be the targets of my scrutiny. Although I am not sure about the effect their personalities have had on me without my knowing it, I am aware that I have consciously tried to be different from them in some things. My oldest sister, a very organized but strict and precise individual, developed within me the need for freedom and spontaneous decisions. When I observed how stressed she would always become as a result of taking things so seriously, and how because of this stress she had usually been more strict with me than my parents, I vowed to always be a bit more carefree. My other sister analyzes everything in her life too much, and because I shared (and still share, despite her being in London) a room with her I had to listen to these thoughts all of the time. Thus, since I have seen the effect too many thoughts have on a person, I have tried to teach myself not to overthink things.
But the person that has probably had the greatest effect on me throughout my life, which I followed relentlessly when I was younger and shared a room with for almost 10 years, is my brother. Even though I love him very much, the one thing I absolutely cannot stand about him is his habit of stereotyping people, labeling them and placing them into categories he forms for himself (of course, it isn’t always negative). Because of this routine of his before he gets to know someone, I have always tried, and will continue to try, to refrain from having an opinion about people until I personally get to know them well enough.
Upon reading this article I have been reminded of my recently deceased grandfather, whom I would identify as a “hoarder.” I know it is said to speak only well about the deceased, but let’s be a bit pragmatic here. He was never a bad person, but neither a good one. Much of his regress I understand as a result of his advanced age, (he died being 82 years old) as, even though I cannot say it with certainty, his behavior had been worsening throughout the time. On the other hand, I might just have been more mature, and better-versed at understanding the complexity behind social interactions. However, we shall just stick with the former presumption.
ReplyDeleteI was, and still am, living with my parents together with my grandparents in one house. It was built by my grandfather around 50 years ago. It served four children in their childhood years, while the youngest one have somehow never managed to leave. I was born in 1993, but up to the sixth year, I have only fragments of memories. Then I started attending school, and four years later I was admitted to 8-year grammar school. I guess ever since then, since the tenth year of my life, I may have started to realize the fact that there was an immense amount of old, useless things. They were in a basement, in an outside woodshed, in a garden and in a backyard. The house was, luckily, free of them as my grandmother and my mother successfully kept it clean. It wasn’t probably that bad as “family’s greatest secret,” which was mentioned in the article, but again, it may be only just that we had more “corners” to store into. Though, it was not the biggest problem. My grandfather wasn’t a nice person. He oftentimes argued fiercely with grandmother, sometimes even calling her names. He was aggressive and never admitted his fault. To our surprise, doctor’s report showed that his problems with liver probably stemmed from alcohol. The consequence of all this was similar as in the article, though in my case, the fact that I was living with grandparents had an equal share on it.
The number of times I have invited someone over to my house is a single digit one. Even “the house” is a bad term, because we were always only in my room, which was the only suitable space for two children, and of which I was the “landowner,” so I could have been sure of its state i.e. whether it was tidied or not. I also could not play in the garden, because my grandfather was a dedicated gardener, growing own vegetables and having big fruit trees, and because the other half of the garden was filled with piled wooden logs, metal poles and similar stuff. Partially because of a permanent refusal of my grandfather, partially because of a lack of a volition, the situation had never changed.
My father is of the same breed. It is not so recognizable, and because my mother was very active in countering this “hobby,” father managed to stay within the limits. If we would like to compare to the article, he is by no means a neat-freak. He prefers to have cleaned after him, and never really puts in any effort to help. I, as a third-generation, have to admit I too have drives similar to my grandfather’s. Fortunately, I have been under the watchful eye of my mother. She knew what to look out for, which genes are likely to have been passed onto me, and effectively
ReplyDeletecountered them. For that, my gratitude belongs to her.
I hate chaos. I feel bad when it is not tidied up. Though, I have never managed to keep my room clean for a longer period of time, because my sister does not share the same feelings. On the other hand, when disposing of something, I have a very lazy attitude. If it is not really empty/used up, I cannot just throw it into trash. Even if I do not use it anymore, if I consider it not empty/used up, it stays where it is for a while. I also have a few drawers, in which you would find archaic things, but which I do not want to get rid of because they hold memories. For instance, I have several Donald Duck comics, and I have read through every single of them like five times at least. My mum suggested multiple times to trash them, but I would never do that, and she respects it, similarly to the author of the article.
In a last few words, during writing this comment I have realized grandfather’s habit was really passed onto me. However, thanks to my mother I manage it pretty well. Situation in my family did not advance to such stage as described in the article, but it would be wrong to say their situation was horrible. It may be even understandable. Conditions in which were raised parents of the author were not convenient. They surely had to try hard, and because they did not want their children to feel the same, they overdid it a bit. I believe author’s child will once grow out of that habit, and leave the circle of her mother and grandparents, of being either a net-freak or a hoarder.
Both the parents I live with are hoarders. Each in a different way and it is comic how they like to tidy the other one's mess but rarely do their own. But often it is rather frustrating, not only for them but for me to watch helplessly. Nonetheless, I cannot be a neat-freak. Though I'd like to restore order into our household, I don't want to act against what seems to be their comfort. Somehow, I can't either be much different. As I see their bliss with their possessions I would probably feel short of my own private collections. I lack someone to play the opposite role to influence me but I long plan to have a peaceful nice home of my own notion of tidiness once.
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