What do you think of this author’s explanations for
teenage behaviour? Does looking for the
causes of behaviour in the brain provide too easy an excuse and an escape from
individual responsibility? Does she
give good advice to parents? What do
the parents’ questions reveal?
The article shows us, that a teenager's brain has not already developed into the state in which an adult's is, but this should not be an excuse. It is easy to think of how it would look like. Teenagers could tell themselves that they were not created with enough myelin to behave as adults, which could actually bring them to not even trying to be more like adults at all. It should not be like this nor should our parents think about us in this way. However, according to my opinion, we should always be led to maturing. Also Mrs Jensen mentions the fact that the young learn easier, that we are more formable due to the differently rotating gears in our heads. Thus, it should be now, when we are taught to have good habits (for instance in relationships, drinking, partnership or even parenting) and to be responsible.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, there is often a problem with the parents being the teenagers' teachers of life. It is due to the fact that intergeneration communication is not always working well, which was also talked about in the article. As in all relationships, both the parties, parents and teens, are guilty. On one hand it is sure that our parents should try to find ways towards us. Also the car drives mentioned in the article were a good example when they can do it. Another way for them to build the relationship could be to find some common activities (e.g. some sports or table games). But on the other hand we, the teenagers, are the ones who ought to try to be nice to the people having brought us to this world. If not for other reasons, then because all the nonpsychotic parents love their children and want only good things for them, even if they seem uncomfortable and unreasonable.
If a parent advises you, sometimes it may be hard to believe that once even they were 16 (in spite of the fact how obvious it is they were), but we should, at least, listen to them. It is a good idea to think about what they say and to try to understand them. And their words that we find having a point we can or even should accept. Unfortunately, sometimes teens do not realise what a privilege it is to have parents and they disobey them and rebel against them. All in all, our parents are older than we are and they have more experience. They deserve to be respected as well as we do.
A vast majority of us have ever experienced being that person who does not really know what exactly to do with his or her life. Yeah. Being a teenager. I am pretty sure you have so much to talk about this part of your life. At least constant changing of moods and arguing with the loved ones has not rotated the world for once. However, every time there was someone who knew what to do with your behaviour. Your parents. How did they know it? They were smart and skilled enough to think about possibilities how to calm you down. As Alex mentioned, they were sixteen as well. From the perspective of a parent, nothing may work on a brainless teenager more then to think like a teenager.
ReplyDeleteThe whole article explains the reasons why teenagers behave like they behave. Of course it is important to know the reasons, but I would say the more important thing is to "shape" the way the person behaves. And this can be done the most easily only by the parents.
First of all, I do not really agree with what Alex advised, as I do not think that we, the teenagers, are truly able to respect our parents, because they were 16 as well, or because they gave us life. I am not saying it is a nonsense, I just do not think this works at all. In my opinion, it is very important to let the teenagers breathe and give them enough space. This way a parent will not improve only the trust, but also a teenager will not feel under pressure. Pressure leads to frustration and anger, as mentioned in the article, and many times to drugs and alcohol. The article in a case of drugs mainly talks about the intensity of impact according to age, but I think that one of the reasons why do the teenagers drink alcohol and take drugs is because of too high requirements which are again connected to the pressure. When creating a trust between you and your child, you should not make him or her posses a fear in telling you things. Useful point which will help to anybody through the whole life is to teach your child telling the truth rather than keeping secrets or lying. You need to make sure the teenager will choose the truth before keeping a secret.
Secondly, another point affecting the behaviour of teenagers is the quality of motivation. Article mentions some cases where the motivation was not high enough. For instance, in a case of learning. I can see daily many teenagers who just do not care about learning. The very first thing I am thinking about is: "How do they imagine their future?". And this is my motivation. The future. Everything lays in parents as an example. The one who has succesful parents can be motivated with having such a life. He or she knows he needs to be educated if he wants to live like his parents do. On the other hand, one who is for example from a poor family, or his or her mother is dying as a result of drug-addiction may want to have a better life. My grand mother was always tiding up the whole day on Christmas, only by herself. During the whole day, she was just a walking balloon full of anger. For my mother it was a motivation. Every Christmas, "the tiding day" is the day before Christmas and we, her family, are forced to help her. Moreover, motivation is closely connected with "pros and cons" thing. When telling your teenager not to do some things, try to replace the phrase: "Go to your room and learn!" for: "You do not have to learn if you do not want to, it is up to you. But bear in mind what you will do with your future." In this kind of "manipulation" you need to make sure you mentioned at least one strong advantage or disadvantage.
The sum it up, the more critical you are towards yourself, the easier and happier life with your teenager you may have.
I must disagree with Aneta in several points. I really do not believe parents are those who help teenagers solve their problems and calm them down, since the teenagers themselves do not allow parents to do it. Moreover, thinking like a teenager when you are already a parent, I, personally, do not consider as an effective way of communication, due to the fact it is almost impossible. Although our parents were once 16 and they also had problems with their parents, the differences between current society and the society 20 years ago are immense. Therefore it is hard to put yourself in your child’s place because you have to take into consideration also the influence of current world and not just the life you lived millions of years ago. I assume if the parent tries to think like a teenager, it can cause a disappointment and confusion on both sides. Because there is a huge difference between understanding the chemical processes in teenager’s brain Mrs. Jensen wrote about, and understanding the very problems teenagers have to manage.
DeleteHowever, to improve the relationships, it is also important to improve the trust, even through giving teenagers enough space, as Aneta mentioned. Still, teenagers are prone to misuse given freedom and end up drinking or smoking. In this point our opinions differ, since I do not think children drink due to high requirements from parents and the pressure they are under to satisfy parents, but because of the freedom and space, which were given them, even though the purpose was the improvement of the relationship. Parents should reconsider how mature their teenagers are and how capable they are not to misuse the trust parents themselves gave them.
According to me and my actual experience, the most important thing is to talk. Even though you might be talking only about daily tissues, for instance, the weather or a movie, and not tackling with serious problems. Although Mrs. Jensen claims “teenagers are in the age of self- discovering”, have a strong desire to become independent and they begin to “cut ties”, I do not think a 10 minutes long talk would kill any teenager. Because if you are accustomed to talk with your parent or child regularly when there is any problem, even more serious problems will easily be solved if they happen to appear. You just cannot wait until they actually appear.
This article caught my heart and impressed me in an unbelievable way. In my opinion, knowing at least something about chemical processes and the influence of the processes on our, teenagers’, behaviour is extremely valuable. Not only parents can become more patient and compassionate, as mentioned in the article, but also teenagers can get rid of their bad habits and improve their inexplicable behaviour more easily when they know what actually happens in their brains. In spite of knowing the reason of their behaviour, I agree with Alex and Jensen, teenagers can’t make excuses and simply stop trying to be responsible, tidy and sensible just because of the knowledge that they have predispositions not to possess these “grown up’s features”.
ReplyDeleteBut how could our parents stay close to us even though we are going through a very erratic chapter of our life which is full of mood swings and times of emotional imbalance? In my opinion, the most important thing is to give the child the freedom and trust with the proper amount of responsibilities. As mentioned in the article, teens are an age of self-discovery and novelty-seeking and they simply need to feel becoming more and more independent as the time goes on. A very good friend of mine has a special relationship with his father. He never lies him, tells his more or less everything and can be sure his father can help him to fix every problem which gets to his way. Why? Because his daddy always tries to understand him, gives him the chance to explain his decisions and behaviour, never yells neither gets furious. He listens to him carefully and only then gives him a piece of advice. A piece of ADVICE, not command, he advises him to do something because he knows, after long time living on this Earth, that it would be the best solution for him. But my friend doesn’t need to act according to the advice, his own decision is up to him, he chooses the way and he is the one who will be influenced by his decision. They are simply partners, not the superior and the inferior. Moreover, the things Alex suggests (parents trying to find some common activities with their children) perfectly works with the example of my friend. He spends a lot of time with his father. They play football, watch movies, go out and eat at different restaurants enjoying the time together.
So what’s the recipe for a good relationship between parents and children? Parents, give your children your time, love, talk with them, listen to them and become your children’s partners, not just parents. Try to find the balance between the amount of responsibilities and independence you give them and never give up with them.
DeleteI have probably a bit different opinion in one thing that you are writing about - the point with excuses for responsibility. I believe that this article is exactly the excuse for this. We see that teenagers work differently, and forcing them to behave like adults makes them ineffective in anything they are doing. And exactly being themselves means being disorganized, impulsive and trying new things. Also you say in your comment that you see that this is the time of their self-discovery and novelty-seeking, which is necessary in process of becoming adults. I believe that being responsible is not one of teenagers' duty. That is why our parents are responsible for us until we are eighteen, because this is not time for us to behave responsibly. This is time to make mistakes and learn from them.
Mrs. E Jensen’s research on teenage behaviour belongs to those with a big contribution to science. Her unique study based on pure neurology shows clear connection of brain with the perception and reactions of adolescents. I am sure this is to help improve the relationship of parents and their children.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, parents in general overestimate the extent of thinking adolescents can use since they "expect a little bit more out of them than they should". This is a clear proof supported by this study that parents should back up a little and leave them, as Anet said, enough space. In teenage stage, the brain is not developed yet and thus cannot work as a brain of an adult does. This is also reflected in the first answer to reader´s question: "Why doesn’t my teenager care about being tidy?" Furthermore, the making of rational decisions is not at the top stage in puberty. My feeling over this point is that parents shouldn´t expect their offsprings to be constantly good at making great solutions to a certain problem. On the contrary, I believe this might be the bridge in a relationship between parent and a child. It is a perfect opportunity to help the teenagers in decision making and steer a bit their way of thinking.
I also believe children see their parents as sort of role models. I wouldn´t hesitate to compare children in general to human photocopiers. They do copy what they notice about parents’ behaviour. The way they talk to people, their manners at home, but more importantly in the public. What I am trying to point out is that parents are not only supposed to tell their children what to do and how to do it. It is in most cases useless until they actually do and perform things they want the children to do. I consider it as the most beneficial way of upbringing their children to decent adults or adults they want them to become.
After reading the questions of respondents, I came to a stirring conclusion. The parents are mostly the ones that create the problems in their children behaviour. For example, it was not hard to notice common usage of word video games and smartphones. They are simply afraid of the effects it has on the teenage behaviour. Mrs. E Jensen explains it as a way of stimulation which can, on the other hand, grow very easily into an addiction. However, isn´t a book a more effective way of stimulating teenage brain? In my humble opinion it is. To conclude it, parents are those that buy video games for children and that is where the problem begins. If parents want to purchase these technologies to give it to their kids, I would suggest they at least set some rules such as the length of play time or places where they are not allowed to use smartphones. It may end up as a very useful solution for both sides. Children will use these technologies, but only to a certain extent that can ensure it won´t become an addiction.
All in all, Mrs. E Jensen revealed the truth about the period of life called adolescence in a very scientific way. Hence she can spread her knowledge and help parents find their mistakes in parenting or show them the way their children think to help improve their relationship.
Thoroughly, I really like the way of Leo's thinking, as I find it different from the others'.
DeleteFirst of all, I agree with the point that parents should help their children with making decisions which could help them in learning how to decide correctly even in their future life. Talking to your child is probably the most crucial thing on the way to creating an honest friendship bond full of trust with your child - it serves exactly like "the bridge in a relationship between parent and a child" mentioned by Leo. Although, unfortunately, I am not sure if every teenager is interested in having such a relationship with their parents.
Second of all, I was absolutely delighted to see his paragraph about parents being role models. The sentence "It is in most cases useless until they actually do and perform things they want the children to do." about always commanding your children seems to me as the best idea out of all the ideas to this article. I completely agree with this and I am sure that for example, if the parents are smoking, the probability that the child will start smoking in their life is much higher than in non-smoking families.
Third of all, I am not quite sure about the last argument. At first sight, this seems as a wise argument, however, it is very difficult to accomplish. Because if you started to prohibit teenagers from doing what other teenagers do - playing video games, being online on their smartphones - I am sure that would only cause building up anger and hatred inside of the teens. "Why can't I do what everyone does?" And even if you set the specific rules for it, I doubt they would actually obey them. They are teenagers, they want freedom, you know. I also believe they would be able to find a way how to do all those things people around them do. In my opinion, the idea of this paragraph could be performed only if the children were led to this non-technical way of life since their birth. But I do not think this would be a proper way of life in the 21st century and my advice is to just leave them - Anet's famous - "space".
ReplyDeleteHigh school is for children the part of life, when they not only discover the world, but they mainly try to discover themselves. This fact might be the main reasom why teenagers do foolish things, try stupid things and get into a lot of problems. What they think is simply: you never know if you do not try. So they try, and this often ends up badly. Alcohol, smoking, drugs, not obeying the law. Many of those ideas are not from their own head, but are caused by spcial pressure. Social life is for most of teenagers very important part of discovering themselves. And asi it happens, it is enough when there is one teenager with the idea of trying something, the others want to be cool, so they agree with the idea. Simply, social pressure works. Everyone wants to be popular and wanted at highschool. Tat might be also the answer, why they do not wear coat, even if it is cold: they want to be dressed well, no matter what the weather is. Also, I believe that this is the reason why teenager are so addicted to their smartphones. They do not want to miss something. So called FOMA (fear of missing out) is very common between teenagers. It is because they are not really self-confident or sure about who they are, so they do not want to miss anything - praty, or even going for a coffe. They go to a party at frifay night often not because they want to, they simply fear that if they do not go, their social life will see its ending. It is not good, but it is understandable. They want to find out who they are. After they come through this, they can become independant adults. Because everyone goes throug this process of self-discovery between 13th and 19th year of their life, I disagree with the idea that people should vote when they are 16, this is too soon. Even most of the 18 years old are not ready for it.
Parents oftend forget how it is to be a teenager and therefor do not have close relationship with their growing children. They want discipline and organisation from they children, but they should know about the fact about teenager's sleeping hours. My parents do not understand why I go to bad late and then I am tired all day long, but the fact is that I am most productive in the late evening hours. But this is not the main problem in the relationship between teengers and parents. The main problem is, I believe, that parents pretend not to have been the same. But they were very same at high school. In my personal opinion, not being honest about it may cause that the teenager will lie to his parents. And nobody can expect, that a dishonest relationship can be a good one. This way, child will never talk about the problems that bother him or the events he is looking forward to. I believe that every parent should be honest with his teenager and talk about things. Moreover, parents should give their children some freedom. As we could read in this article, teenagers are not porgrammmed to be organised or planning creatures. It is not natural and not good for them. By taking ther freedom, parents become the enemies, and this may only lead to hatred and bad atmosphere at home. And wouldn't it be just better, to have an honest child, that will make some troubles than having a child that does not talk to us and secretly does much worse things? We all understant, that being a little bit stupid while being a teenager is absolutely natural, so I hope parents will remember being 16 when punishing us for our mistakes.
I have to agree with Veronika in some points, but there are also some that I do not agree with. Firstly, teenagers do get into a lot of problems just because they want to fit into society. As she mentioned smoking, alcohol... Majority of teenagers have already tried these, moreover, and what is more concerning, teenagers try it too soon. I really hate when I see those little children (about 11-12) how they are smoking, or drinking alcohol at the discos. However, what I disagree with is the point about wearing coats. I would not say that if there was a „trendsetter“ who would not wear a coat when the temperature was below zero, consequently there would be others who would do that just because it is cool.
DeleteEven though I am not the type of „party-person“ who would party every Friday, I agree with Veronika that people who suffer FOMA are going out even when they do not want. Nevertheless, there are still exceptions and I am proudly one of those people who do not go out every Friday and are not drunk every weekend and even sometimes during the week.
I also agree with not allowing 16-year-old people to be able to vote. It is too soon. Although I am 17, I am not sure if I am ready to vote even in 18.
I do not understand what Veronika thinks by “teenager´s sleeping hours.” In my opinion, it is very individual; I have definitely different “sleeping hours” than my friends. So that is why I disagree.
The next fact I definitely agree with is that our parents pretend not to have been the same when they were teenagers. They were even worse than we are. Of course it is a bit incomparable since we live in the 21st century and their childhood was in 20th century. Even though they want to give us a piece of advice how to avoid doing bad things, I believe that everybody needs to get through these stages as childhood, being a teenager, and so on.
The last thing, I think that having an honest relationship without lying is the best way how to have almost perfect relationship. Even though lying is sometimes necessary to maintain peace in the family, we should try to tell the truth as much as possible.
Here is a comment by Martina Sabova:
ReplyDeleteFirst and foremost, I have to agree with Michaela, that Mrs. E. Jensen´s research based study of teenagers´ brains really is close to my heart. In fact, in the spirit of justifying my delay, I need to confess that it got me thinking to the core and more than any of the articles ever before. The reason is very simple and that is i can relate. As my classmates mentioned above and Mrs. Jensen in the article explained, teenagers between ages of 13 to 19 are actively trying to explore the world around them and trying to define themselves within the boundaries and according to the rules of the modern society. Thus, they are under great pressure. As explained in the comment above, the foma phenomenon is not really helping the whole cause. Moreover, in the age of information and technology, the stress and social pressure is bigger than ever, as the author explained, leading to many reckless and stupid decisions. However, according to Jensen, besides outside factors there is also a sensible biological explanation to all of this. Thanks for this, Mrs. Jensen, now i can finally provide my parents with essential arguments why I don´t have to go to bed early. While I reached consensus with Mrs. Jensen on points of stress, pressure and biological structures of our brain causing mood swings and erratic behavioral patterns to some extent, I have to disagree with some points. Although the behavior of teens is strongly influenced by ongoing processes inside their brains, I would not describe them as so unstable and "unable to make rational decisions" as far as the voting goes. I am not saying I would give them right to vote, but seeing Jensen´s explanation of the facts, it seems to me that not only is she justyfying their inability to tidy their rooms but also she depicts them as almost unable of making any life decisions. I understand and see that teenagers, under the influence of hormones and various chemical processes can act strangely, but I wouldn´t say they´re incapable of making any decisions. Therefore, we should put on their shoulders some responsibility, but we have to choose wisely, so they do not feel pressurised but also we can´t always let them complain and make excuses and become completely decision-making-incapable, socially insufficient and irresponsible. OK, I think we can agree on this point. Teenagers act like teenagers because they have brains of ones and now it´s been scientifically approved. Take that, parents!
As far as the approach goes, if you, as a parent want to have a good relationship with your teenage kid, I think and also by this agree with Anet, that the most important thing is space. From my personal experience I can tell that lack of freedom is the initial trigger of many more reckless decisions than anything else. For instance, I am generally regarded and as well considered by myself as the rational kind of teenager. However, as I am getting older and older, my friends and I are getting invited to parties and concerts which we naturally want to attend, but my mother somehow get stuck in perception of me as a little kid and will not let me go. As the social pressure intensifies and foma phenomenon comes around, I am forced by society, pressure and my own anger to lie and do stupid things. I lie to my mother everytime and I should say, I am not very proud of it, but there is no other option left for me. And the gap between us is widening. If she did let me go out sometimes, I would not be doing this, lying to her, betraying her and we would be closer. I think the freedom and trust are the most important privileges you can give to your teenager and they are the basis of understanding your child and building up a stable relationship with them.