Give and take
Do you
agree with the definitions of happiness and meaning given in this article? Does looking for happiness ironically make
one less happy? Is everyone happier
with meaning in life, or do some find meaninglessness more attractive? Does this have anything to do with religious
belief? Is there meaning in suffering,
or can looking for meaning in bad things cause more pain? If some philosophers are right in that life
has no intrinsic meaning, are we just deluding ourselves when we look for one?
I have always belonged among people seeking meaning in life. For the curious, I still haven’t found a definite answer. Because I have only a vague vision of the life I would be happy to live, I have difficulty stating explicitly what I want. My current dilemma whether to prefer studies abroad over a long-term relationship is the most difficult decision I have had so far in my life. It costs me a lot of worries because I don’t feel very confident about my future and I like being certain when taking a serious decision. The fact is, nobody can be certain about their future and I probably take it just too seriously. This is a case when I can rationally, though through some difficulty, decide the higher priority for me now, but emotions get into the way and induce worries and fear from failure. That way, I can be hardly happy any way but I mostly lack clarity in what to call my goal, with a firm meaning behind it, of course. Sometimes I think it would be much easier to let the heart decide but I simply can’t turn my brain off.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, I know a bit about pursuit of happiness. I mean the situation when a clearly set goal, like achieving the highest mark, becomes the only representative of satisfaction. I have an example from my personal life: when a certain plan was being postponed repetitively, I was so anxious waiting that I couldn’t enjoy other moments, which offered fractions of the happiness I was expecting to find right into the face. Hence I ended up being still more frustrated and dissatisfied with the course of events while I could have easily made more realistic plans and take advantage from what I had.
The article indeed made an impression on me. Mainly, I cannot agree more with the author of the book Man's Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl. Although I do not consider myself a religious person (in the sense of following a widely recognised teaching), I am aware of some kind of similarity in my view. This is most notable from discussions with my mother, who tends to favour some ideas of Christianity in the recent years. We often talk about life and our motivations and it happens very frequently that we agree on something but explain it in different terms. Moreover, I think it interesting to mention that I listen to a lot of Christian metal bands. The bands I listen to do not use explicit liturgical references but the same wisdom is carried through the lyrics. Well, advocating my musical taste would be for another, much longer and yet redundant discussion; unfortunately.
This was an interesting article and I both agreed and disagreed with many opinions that were mentioned. I do agree that happiness is something which is found in the present, while meaning connect the past to the present to the future. However, there are various points and assumptions mentioned in the article which I most definitely do not agree with.
ReplyDeleteWhile I do agree with the opinion that a meaningful life is connected to being a “giver”, I am not sure whether I agree with the statement that a happy life is connected to being a “taker”. According the scientists which completed the new study, the pursuit of happiness is linked with selfish behaviour – satisfying all of one’s needs. Supposedly, people only become happy when they get what they want. And yet, I find that I gain more satisfaction and happiness when I help others, not myself. In a way, I am satisfying my need to help other people, and thus it could be twisted into being selfish behaviour, but I don’t think such a warped way of looking at it is acceptable. “Getting what I want” is not the motive I have when I help people. The article contradicts this by declaring that helping other people gives our own lives meaning, but not happiness. I do not know on what they founded this belief, but I think it’s nonsense. Helping others gives our lives BOTH meaning and happiness.
I also do not agree with the fact that having children should be associated with low levels of happiness. Although it is true that it requires tremendous self-sacrifice to raise children properly, I could never agree with the statement that “parents are less happy interacting with their children than they are exercising, eating, and watching television”. Supposedly, this is the result of research, and yet I cannot accept it. How could such a result be obtained? Obviously, this study was not conducted with a representative sample. I don’t think such a statement can be generalised for all of humanity. When I asked my own parents about what they think of this study, they agreed with the fact that such a thing depends on socio-cultural values and other factors. Each person views something different as their source of happiness. I can only base my judgement on my own perceptions of parenthood, and yet all my experiences point to the fact that despite having to sacrifice many things, parents most definitely receive vast amounts of happiness from their children.
The last point I want to make is that I think that there must be a reason for a person to be unhappy, but not vice versa. I was raised so that happiness is my normal state; I am happy when I do not have any serious reason to be unhappy. However, this just applies to me; I assume it is different for every person, depending on what environment they were brought up in.
Similarly to Janka, I also find it easy to be happy. There are hardly any events which would make me feel down for longer than, let's say, three days. Only recently I have been asked by a friend whether I have nothing to worry about, as he always sees me smiling. It pleased me, and although I cannot say that I have zero worries, optimistic look is what I want to give off, like a contagious aura brightening days of the sad people. Thus it was no surprise for me to hear from my mother that nurses in the hospital recognized me by my smile that did not ever wear off, not even during sleeping. No wonder then that I am slightly twisted, just as Janka, and my happiness is very dependent on happiness of other people. It is when I make someone happy that I feel the greatest pleasure. Though looking at happiness of others also makes me happy. It may sound creepy, but when I see a happy couple, or a caring parent tending to his happy child, I cannot help myself but to smile. Have I proven scientists wrong? hardly, but me and Janka are two proofs that their assertion does certainly not apply in general.
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