All you need is love?
Do you have a hard time saying these three
words? If a stranger said them to you,
would you respond in kind? Would the
world be a better place if people could say them more often, or at least feel
less awkard about expressing their affection towards each other? Or is there too much touchy-feeliness and too
many free hugs going around these days?
I chose this article, because everything connected with social issues, interactions and, of course, with love is really close to me. It was an easy reading, but it was quite a lot cliché even for me. The article dealing with phrase “I love you” does not have a deep meaning for me at all. It didn’t say much except that Vietnamese do not know what that phrase means. However, let’s have a closer look at this article.
ReplyDeleteIt’s unusual to see in rushed cities such thoughtfulness of drivers. It’s interesting that drivers stay calm and just drive around you when crossing an overfull road. Here, in Bratislava, I can’t imagine such situation. Even when driving, there’s anger among drivers in traffic jams. The answer why are Vietnamese different from us lies probably in our mentality and culture. According to this, I could say that Vietnamese are much more easy-going than Slovaks are. However, there should be done more observations in order to come to such a general conclusion.
I think that the author of this article is somehow keen on love at all. But I do not see his deep understanding of this feeling, or better to say, of the word love. In my opinion, saying love 100 times a day is completely useless. I think, it degrades its meaning and becomes only a casual word. Love should be used only when our feelings for somebody are really strong. Even if I consider myself as an emotional person, I probably wouldn’t enroll to the Million Person Project, unless somebody did a really good analysis and shows me its importance and positive impacts on the society. His dreams about better world sound too vague to me. It’s amazing to imagine that everybody would love everybody. No hate at all. However, I can’t see this real. It’s natural for us to hate or to don’t like. I think that his idealistic dream could be reached by variety of means, such as improving living standards or better education and so higher level of understanding could be reached. Although, if we just say I love you instead of Good morning, it will bring no effect at all.
That is exactly what I was thinking when I read this article the first time. They probably don’t know exactly what it means or in what context it is used. To me the phrase “I love you” is a very powerful one and one that should not be used that often, let alone 100 times a day. The whole article makes me think that the author was simply over-fascinated by the way people in Vietnam act and took it a bit too far. Saying the word love 100 times a day sounds to me as some sort of challenge rather than something with a deeper meaning.
DeleteYour analogy with the phrase “Good morning” is a good one. A phrase has no other meaning than what we give to it. If you strip a phrase of the meaning we give to it, we end up with nothing but a sequence of sounds a human emits. It is the frequency, context, situation and way we say it that gives it the meaning and if we started using the phrase “I love you” too often, it would change its fundamental properties and turn it into nothing better than a rather long form of the word “hello” as it did in Vietnam.
I too would rather keep the phrase “I love you” as a phrase used on special occasions and told to special people, rather than destroy its meaning by following the trends of a country on the other side of the world just because somebody finds the virtually non-existent value of them interesting. If they do not use the words in the way we use them, there is no reason we should assign the same value to them.
I rarely tell people that I love them. My family is the only exception, but it's not a significant one. While my sister Hana hears it the most often from me, I only tell it to my parents a few times a month, and my oldest sister and my brother hear it only on special occasions. I guess it's just the way I was raised and the environment I grew up in, where people did not say it often. However, my family is by no means incapable of showing our affection to one-another, instead, we do it indirectly: through our actions and conversations. When all of us finally gather for holidays or special events, the feeling hangs in the air all around us, becoming so strong that I feel it flooding through me.
ReplyDeleteI believe that saying 'I love you' only when you really mean it gives this expression a more sincere meaning, so that when you really want to reassure someone of your affection for them, or provide them with a sense of security (like parents do when they say it), the individual concerned accepts it without any doubts. Even though it might be reassuring and comforting to hear these words constantly at first, after a while you might not even notice their significance and weight. Knowing how the other person feels through their actions and indirect things they say, not through three one-syllable words, is more important. I'm not saying that saying 'I love you' is completely useless and pointless: I'm saying the exact opposite. Just three simple words, when honestly said, can lay the foundation for a person's confidence, help achieve goals, create a sense of complete security and just solve so many problems. But when people insincerely throw these words around, the whole spell is broken. It completely devalues the whole meaning of love.
So, ultimately, I do not believe that yelling 'I love you' to people on the street is good. If a stranger said it to me, I would not believe that they were being sincere, and so it would not have such a significant meaning for me. At first I would be shocked and then I would only thank them. On the other hand, for parents and children, siblings, couples and friends to say it can be a life-saver. But only when meant completely sincerely.
As for hugs, I really do not like when people hug me with that one handed 'hug', which is more a social convention for teenagers than a show of affection. It's just like saying 'I love you' out of habit.
The Million People Project seems quite interesting and I think that the idea of sharing love more frequently, even with strangers on the street, is a way to put the topic of the general reservedness towards expressing liking or affection to each other into spotlight. Though I agree with Matúš that saying the word 'love' a hundred times a day would certainly not make people more tolerant, I am convinced that it is important to show people that sharing our feelings with others is neither harmful, nor embarrassing. I believe that people need to hear some warm words more often. I observe people in public places and almost everybody has a troubled or distant look in their face in the public transportation or a queue at the post office. No-one ever smiles at you in the street, unless they are perverts. But I think it is just a pose, people behave coldly and reservedly because of fear of contact with strangers. Breaking the ice by saying words of love in public places is an interesting way to study human behaviour. You often need to take just the first step to make the other open themselves to you.
ReplyDeleteNevertheless, using the phrase 'I love you' too often seems awkward and counterproductive to me as well. I am curious how this form of greeting in Vietnam developed. I don't think it was because no-one there understands the meaning of the words. Personally, I think it could be due to a discrepancy in literal translation of the Vietnamese phrase used for greeting. As long as I know, most Asian nationalities are characteristic by being much more humble and pleasant in attitude towards strangers.
Anyway, I know I would feel weird hearing 'I love you' from behind every corner. Nevertheless, for me this phrase sounds still less awkward in English than it would in Slovak. Because these words are used so frequently in informal English nowadays, they kind of lost their true meaning, the one they would have if used as an expression for strong emotions only. It is probably a natural shift in the meaning of the word 'love' in spoken language while some of us still hold its original meaning with which we associated it from reading about poetic love in books.
Personally, I cannot say that I have a hard time saying words such “I love you” because there are more definitions of loving which means that it is not always just the “love” love. I definitely tell my family and friends that I love them, even though these types of love differ as well. However, I am not saying it that often because otherwise it would completely lose its “magic.” I consider the phrase “I love you” to be similar to the magic words “please, thank you or sorry.” The meanings of the magic words for me are hidden inside because I say them only when I really mean it.
ReplyDeleteAs I mentioned before, I say I love you only when I really mean it from inside and that means that I suppose others to do the same. Unfortunately this may lead to disappointment. By this I want to say that if strangers said them to me, I wouldn’t respond kindly because I would feel that they are only joking and trying to make fun of me because they don’t even know me.
I don’t think that words such I love should be said more often because it would consequently loose its high value. Maybe it would push the shy people to express their feelings towards someone more, because it would be discussed more in the society, but the real values would be slowly decreasing even without knowing. We now experience the decrease in the values of hugs, because they are, in my opinion, used too much. Among teenagers they are used when meeting up, or when saying goodbye without any deeper reason. However, it cheers me up sometimes, but mostly I experience it as a stereotype. Though, hugs are not the only ones loosing values, because something similar is happening to kisses. People tend to kiss on the cheeks or even on the lips when meeting up or when saying goodbyes as well as with hugs. Hopefully this wont happen to the magic words including the strongest phrase I love you.
While considering whether hugs are being used too much, we should consider that when a group of people decides to create a “free hugs” event and two people greeting each other by hugging is a completely different thing. In my opinion, the “free hugs” event is a lot more unforced. It is based on sharing love with random people, just to make their day better. However, hugging only because you met someone is a bit different. I often hug someone who I just met even though I do not know them that well, and I hug them just so it will not be rude of me, since everyone else hugs them as well. It often feels a bit weird, and there is no love at all. It is more of a polite gesture, similar to shaking hands. I am pretty sad that kisses are used in the similar way, since by this type of usage kisses and hugs really are losing their true value. However, for me kissing someone has not become a polite stereotype. Firstly, I usually do not kiss all my girlfriends when meeting them, and definitely not male friends. However, when I kiss someone, I mean it with all my heart.
DeleteI do not agree with Sabina that the words “I love you” are losing their meaning. In my opinion it just depends on whether you mean them or not. Whenever you say these words to someone and you honestly mean them, then they will never lose their true value and meaning.
Do you have a hard time saying these three words? If a stranger said them to you, would you respond in kind? Would the world be a better place if people could say them more often, or at least feel less awkard about expressing their affection towards each other? Or is there too much touchy-feeliness and too many free hugs going around these days?
ReplyDeleteThis Million Person Project seems to be a very nice idea how to bring more love to this world. I think that if people were just a little bit more tolerant and sincere, the world would be a so much better place. However, I think that this project is a bit forced, since I do not think that you can share love only by saying “I love you”. In the past year I have been paying attention to small expressions of love. If you start noticing these situations you will feel a lot happier in your life. For example, I sometimes get so happy only by helping an old woman to get in the bus. After I see her honest and good-hearted smile I feel much better, or when I get a free tea at the teahouse, even though they do not know me. Every situation like this is full of love, you just need to notice it. I have been paying attention to these situations for some time already and I realized that world is full of love, and all you need to do is just notice it, accept the love you get and share it with everyone else. You do not need to say it straightly to someone, since I think that then it really loses meaning a little bit. However, if a stranger would come to me and say “I love you” I would probably say the same words to him, but only if he meant it honestly. Otherwise there is no point in saying these words. I think world would be a better place if people would share love more often, only by small signs, since these small signs might make a better day for someone.
In overall, I think there is never too much of touchy-feeliness going around, because there is never enough love. There is always someone who you can make happier, only by an honest smile. I really appreciate those people who organize the “free hugs” events, since it may bring a lot of joy.
@ Barbora
ReplyDeleteI found Barbora’s extremely positive comment very interesting. I admit, I am a not a romantic person, therefore my point of view on love is quite different from Barbora’s. I agree with my classmate on the idea that if people noticed small kind gestures from other people, they would be happier. In todays modern society people are busy and in a constant rush, and therefore are more nervous and may forget to treat other in a nice way. However, I would not necessary consider helping and old women in the bus a display of love. It basically means you did a good thing, and the old woman appreciates it.
Furthermore, if a stranger told me “I love you“ I would be freaked out, and probably ran away. I find it unnatural to tell a person I have never met before that I love him/her. I think of love as a feeling that a person feels for very close people such as family, friends, or a boyfriend/girlfriend. I don’t say “I love you“ often, but when I do, I really mean it and that’s why the words are so precious to me and to the person I am talking to. I don’t think that the more I would say it, the happier the world would be. Additionally, I think the concept of love then looses its meaning.
I am not saying that people should be cold and insensitive to one another. They should be kind and helping, but that doesn’t mean showing love, when they barely know each other.